DISAPPEARING ACT
Is it death? Do you disappear when you die. Why do I think about you more now than when I had a chance to be with you? What happened? Did I make you disappear? Did I disappoint you? You went away long before I couldn’t touch you anymore. Your heart stopped long before-at-least for me. That’s how it seems anyway. That’s how I took it.
But I’m selfish. I wanted you all or nothing. All to myself, for myself. But I left you alone to be with others, without me. And they knew how to act and make you up. When you said you were acting for yourself, I acted out. Lines I should never have said. Lines I should never have crossed. Was it X’s or crosses sealing your eyes and heart? Arms crossed as you rested. People who missed you crossed over and tried to hold on.
You were stiff and cold. You wanted to go? Like, you had no choice, and you chose it. I’m still confused with the ending, till this day, I will be until my end. Did I choose this for you? I always chose you. It was always you. My love, is it too late to say what you know I should have said and really meant? Instead of making you feel what I never said. I hate… not you… at-least not always for disappearing, but I think I hate death… Not always, but life without you. I hate that for sure, always.
I have to stop now, so I can go on. My eyes are blurry, and I can’t see anymore. But I won’t let you disappear again. And neither will I anymore. I can’t promise because I can barely keep myself together.
