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As the new Gillette commercial ended, Chuck shook his head.

“Bitches” “Pussies” I’m a man, I will do, and say what I want. he thought.

“Of course you will”, the voice in his head shouted. “But, who are you going to say it to?” the voice asked.

“Who ever deserves it.”

“And, who is that?” he continued.

“Bitches and Pussies” he answered, but avoided naming specific people.

And, who, exactly are they?

“Anyone who doesn’t behave like me.” Chuck responded, reaching into his pants, adjusting himself, then sniffing his fingers, before throwing the t.v. remote and storming out of the living room and into the kitchen. Yelling, because his favorite football team lost the game. “Goddammit, you fucking suck, a buncha fuckin pussies”

He mixed his fifth rum and coke. “CJ”, he yelled. His son, came running, to avoid escalation. “Yes dad” CJ responded. “grab a beer for me will ya!” Chuck commanded. CJ, a wrestler, who was built like a football player, opened, and limed a corona, as if he’d been training his entire fourteen years of life to please his father.

“Ata boy” Chuck belted, scrolling through his phone, checking scores from the remaining games. “You see that bullshit?” he asked angrily, feeling his life temporarily ruined by strangers losing a game, he was not good enough to play. “Bunch a pussies.” he barked.

CJ, lowered his head. He was used to the language, but not how it made him feel. He was not like his father, and took careful steps to never follow his footsteps. Up to this point, he believed silence and apprehension, helped him avoid stumbling down the same road, and repeating those same mistakes of his father.

“Aint no place in this world for losers boy” Chuck yelled, smacking the side of CJ’s head, to stiffen his spine. “You understand me boy?” CJ’s eyes darted to meet his fathers, as he tried to hand over the corona- a mans parting gift.

“Uhh, you know the rules boy.” Chuck said, helping CJ lift the bottle to his lips, force-feeding him the drink, then, watching him grimace and turn away, spilling the beer, like a baby full from breast milk. “Aww, man up son, this here is what we do” Chuck said through a laugh before swapping drinks, and handing CJ the rum and coke. “Siiippp iiit”, he said, dragging CJ, into the life he wanted to avoid.

The life of a man, who thinks, acts, and speaks through a disabled mentality. Disabled, because he refused to acknowledge his own mistakes, or learn from them. A life of self inflicted misery. CJ gulped the rum and coke, then tilted his head back, hoping it would relieve the burning in his lungs.

Chuck, “good gamed” CJ, against his back. He never slapped him on the butt. “Men only slap women’s asses boy.” More fatherly words of wisdom. CJ, poured a cup of cold water into his mouth, trying to drench the fire spreading into his chest.

Chuck slapped CJ’s nuts, forcing him to project the water, like a fountain-pouring out the days mistakes. “What the…” CJ swallowed the disrespect. Now, he was hot all over. His eyes watered.

“Stop acting like a pussy, men don’t cry boy.” Chuck quipped, then gulped both drinks for fuel. “Go cry to your BITCH mother”

CJ, seethed, then attacked his father. Punching him backwards, then, tackling him into a corner. As chuck tried to get up, CJ kicked him in the nuts. Chuck curled up like a baby.

“You can’t beat it out of me dad. I’m gay. Why can’t you love me like a father is supposed to love his son. That’s what a man would do” CJ turned to leave and heard his father crying. He turned back and helped his father up.”

Chuck stabbed CJ. Gutting him from his balls to his chest. “Real men, cut out what they don’t like”

Chuck limped to his room. Opened his safe and pulled out gay porn. A collection of magazines and movies. Chuck put one of the movies on, and violently punched himself in the head, and “cock and balls” to stop his erection.

Anthony Markland

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